2009: The Director's Cut: Scroll the First

This year "it was the best of times, it was the blurst of times"

It was the birth of the Rice Advice:

It started with the one that made me an avid follower ¹ of his and it continues with elegant wisdoms. His most recent wisdom took to form of an action, he shook the hand and well-wished everyone that crossed his path leaving the bar last week. His farewells were so genuine that some asked the farewellees how they knew him. I am still mulling over what it means.
Someday, the Damian and I will compose gospels on it.

The Mairtin Moment of The Year goes to an occurrence a week ago:

For the past few years I've had an interest in reading people. It arose naturally from practicing Kung Fu, which fosters self-awareness- and self-defence is pretty useless without an inkling of what the other is about to do.
Earlier in the month I gave one of the lads a good description of his order in his family and how he was treated. I was pretty chuffed with it, but I did not feel a need to knock myself over back-patting.
Four of us went to a bar on Stephen's Green. I was chatting to the new girl [I'll leave her name out since I daren't mispell it]. To fill a lapse in conversation I asked her if she was going to join a sports club in UCD. Without giving her time to respond, I said,"You look like someone that likes playing.... badminton."² I was bang on the money, it turns out that she loves playing badminton.

Eat your heart out Derren Brown :D

I then followed up with telling her and Damian which sides they slept on. When I explained how I could tell, they were less impressed with that ditty.³

And thus ends Scroll the first of "2009: The Director's Cut"

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¹Follower in the spiritual sense, not the Twitter sense.
²It was all very logical. I considered the sports that were common and based on what I conisdered her temperment to be, I whittled my choices away until badminton seemed the most likely. It took a second or three from start to finish (that ellipsis in the quote covers it)
³ Most people sleep on their non-dominant side (right handed people on their left side and vice-versa), the ones to watch out for are those that sleep on their backs or fronts.

365.25 days of Media: Part 2

Now films.

I used the wiki site to remind me of releases during the year. It is possible I missed some [un]deserving flicks since the link is based on US release dates.¹ It was a pretty good year for films, I think. Avatar gets an honourable mention for visually stunning graphics, albeit with a somewhat dull story line.²

Up - I was concerned that Pixar had gone off of the reservation with Cars, it was lame enough to be something from Dreamworks³... [Máirtin takes a breath repeating that he promised to stay in '09 and not mention by-gones.]... A poignant and enjoyable piece that had me close to tears at times. Not the all-round package that was the Incredibles, but a worthy offering.

Inglorious Basterds - When I first heard about the film, I groaned in distaste. Tarrantino's past work has been good, however I don't think he warranted the praises he garnered. The first scene of the film put me in my place. it is probably one of my favourite slices of film this year . The typical hyper-violence of his other works and deliciously paced dialogues/script. In my opinion his magnum opus.

Where The Wild Things Are - A film about a kid. Not necessarily a kids' film. Gandolfini's character, Carol, is very similar to his iconic Tony Soprano. Well shot, few wasted words and well imagined characters, but a bit too long at times.

In The Loop - Gandolfini gets a second mention in the run-down, in this sharply written black comedy relating the maneuvering and under-handedness that takes place in government offices on both sides of the Atlantic. Keep an eye out for Steve Coogan's cameo.

District 9 - A tremendous sci-fi. It has taken a place beside the Fifth Element as my favourites of the genre. An engaging concept, excellent special effects and great action set pieces. It did fell like two films. First a high-concept science fiction. Halfway through it changes up to the classic science-fiction-action-romp. Both parts of the film are superbly done, but the transition marks an artistic compromise of sorts for me.

Watchmen - The most mature and well conceived film based on a comic book. End of story.

Moon - I'm a big Sam Rockwell fan, it is largely himself and the creepy disembodied voice of Kevin Spacey. The special effects are subtly done and very believable. As a whole. similar to the first half of District 9, in that science fiction is a context for the story as opposed the focus.

Honourable Mentions: Monsters Vs Aliens & Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs - for being great non-Pixar computer animated features. A Serious Man - for the Coen brothers, producing a film that requires more thought that than even their usual fare. Gomorrah - for giving a stark look at life under-the-thumb of the Italian Mafia. Zombieland - For being a delightfully funny US answer to Shaun of The Dead, a good leading cast and a great cameo. Synecdoche, NY - the most abstract film I saw this year... although the Office Boy [Damian] has been raving about White Ribbon.

Now for the films that displeased me. They are by no means the worst films I have seen, except for maybe the first on the list, but films that disappointed me.

Year One - Jack Black and Michael Cera.On the whole, it wasn't funny.⁴ Jack Black is beginning to grate. Michael Cera should see about getting some range.

Wolverine - The first two X-Men films were about wolverine, I liked them. There were some good moments in this one, but it does not hold a candle to what had come before, but it could have.

Pirate Radio - A film about an illicit Rock 'n' Roll radio station, on a boat. It stars Bill Nighy, Philip Seymour Hoffman and the tall fella from the IT Crowd. It could have been a collection debauched mad-cap anti-establishmentarianism antics, it could have had the spirit of Animal House and its ilk. Unfortunately it was generally soppy and safe.
Edit: JC [What can I say, I have friends in high places.] pointed out that that was the American release name. To avoid it in Ireland and England, it is called "The Boat that Rocked."

The Men That Stared at Goats - George Clooney and Ewan MacGregor in a buddy movie about a journalist and an ex-Army Psychic. Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey co-starred. It had some decent moments, but my mate Neil and I agree that if it were not for Mr Clooney it would have been an obscure and beige.

Terminator Salvation - An adequate Summer flick. An adequate follow-up to Terminator 3. Grossly inadequate sequel to the first two films. Sam Worthington is pretty good in it, but I tire of Christian Bale's unnecessarily gravely voice and his typically intense and brooding character-type, I fear he could be getting type-cast.

So there is a run-down of TV and film according to Máirtín. In the next few days I'll take in Sherlock Holmes- I do like a bit of Robert Downey Jr, and Rachel MacAdams is as eye-catching as ever. In the coming months I wait in baited breath for the HBO pilot of George RR Martin's Game of Thrones TV series. Other than that, I am hoping that they don't make another season of Dexter- get out on top darn it.

Later jerkwads.
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¹As it happens, it included Taken in the '09 release... I was so very tempted to include it, I mean, people, it's freaking awesome.^i
2Possibly the best special effects ever stunningly applied. However, the "Dances-with-Wolves-in-Space"ⁱⁱ storlyline typically hung off of them like a sleepy toddler being carried to bed.
³Other than the first Shrek and Kung-Fu Panda, Dreamworks hasn't delivered as far as I am concerned.
⁴I ended up missing a salsa lesson for it. >:(
^{___________________________________________________________________________________
i}... well, after the first 30 minutes or so.
ⁱⁱI heard that description from Bob first.

365.25 Days of Media Part 1

Shakespeare's whiny lay-about Hamlet said,"There is nothing good nor bad, but thinking makes it so."

I say,"Shut your mouth, boy, and listen to what I tell you is good and bad."

Instead of a follow-up to last year's "All About Me" special, I decided on listing things things that have come to my attention.

We'll bang-out TV, first

Some things that have raised my ire, in ascending order:

Hank- Kelsey Grammer's abortive/aborted sitcom.
Heroes- it gets [I would like ever so much to say "got". Soon. Maybe] worse and worse.
MTV- it has spawned/is spawning a generation of vacuous creatures that believe in fame for no good reason and unbridled materialism- Pimp my Hills Crib Makeover.

Things that gave me an upside-down-frown, in ascending order:

Supernatural - It started out as pulp horror-fantasy. It is still tongue-in-cheek, geeky and violent, lately it has gotten all Apocalypse and the storytelling has improved as well.
It's not Whedon, but it has pretty entertaining episodes and dark ideas. Throughout the series, my favourite touch has been that most of those possessed by the same demons ape the mannerisms and ticks of previously possessed.

Glee - 'Tis a musical-drama based in a high school.¹ Some of the cast were recruited from Broadway. The music alternates between pop and broadway numbers.² The show, she opened with a quirky pilot that finished with a, like, OMG [Mairtin places hands on his cheeks and stares, agape]. Since then, it has generally improved and fleshed out the supporting cast for the better. Nonetheless, the leading ladies (Lea Michelle and Jane Lynch) are hands down the best things about it.

Breaking Bad - Bryan Cranston is back on screen in the form of a shockingly over-qualified high school chemistry teacher who gets diagnosed with lung cancer. It is a straight-up Greek tragedy and Cranston's Mr White becomes more glaringly tragic by the moment. It has solid acting (Cranston is a scary mo' fo'), storytelling and cinematography.

Dexter - And now, the best closer of '09.³ The show about the serial killer next door has been consistent. Albeit, somewhat on the safe side: That thing with Doakes in season 2 was the closest it came to Dexter's life/way of life being at risk, but it wasn't suspenseful enough.
Who you gonna call to turn it all the way up to 11?
Ladies and Gentlemen, our challenger, in the other red corner, weighing in at 250lbs and standing a looming 6 feet 4 inches... Jonathan f*ckin' Lithgow.⁴
An amazing season, the best one. The last few episodes gave me goosebumps!

Honourable mentions - Dollhouse, a slow (and now cancelled [4 episodes into its sophomore season]) burner that got better and better in season 1, culminating with a bad-ass 13th episode that wasn't even released in the States (WTF). True Blood, its cheesy and Eric Northman is so cool. Life, got 2 seasons out of it, poetic-murder solving to the sound of one hand.

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¹Not to be confused with A High School Musical, which is just lame and unlikely to comment on a girls lack of a gag reflex.
²My favourite is in the season finalé: "Don't Rain on my Parade" by Rachel (Lea Michelle)
³Not to be confused with The Closer TV show, which is pretty "meh."
⁴I'd give a link but I don't want to spoil things. For the curious search "hello dexter morgan" on yout Like Vietnam, "you don't know what it was like, [if] you weren't there!"

Railroaded

I went back to Clare last week. I booked the tickets on-line, an 0700 Thursday train down. The perfect plan.

In other news:

We had a fantastic Christmas Party on Wednesday night. I dominated in the inaugural Daniela Baum Bake-Off .ⁱ I made a marbled, cocoa and plain, madera cake replete with raspberries and blackberries.ⁱⁱ I partially covered it in chocolate. My reason being that some berries were still visible on the surface- albeit sunken like... um... like a pock marks on a plague survivor- and it seemed wasteful to hide the Technicolor delights under a bushel-not an actual bushel- of chocolate. After our dinner, we scampered/swayed to Whelan's. It was a good laugh, better than last year's party by far.ⁱⁱⁱ It was after 0430 when I got to sleep.

Already, I can hear you saying: "Hmmm. Going to bed at that time is not very responsible, given your early start, Mairtin." I can even see you peering over your horn rimmed glasses at me to complement^iv that disapproving tone of yours.^v

I awoke with me alarm clock in plenty of time for the train.

A couple of hours later, I awoke of my own accord, in negative plenty of time for the train.

In hopes of clemency, I rang Irish Rail. Bluntly was I informed "No Mercy" was the order of the day.^vi I got over it and acquired one of the nifty 10Euro train tickets - plus credit card charges.

Cue Rant:

The online bookers must choose a train time and get designated a seat. For everything to work out hunky dory, fewer casual users- commuters, people without internet/credit card, otherwise disadvantaged or disorganised bums- can alight than there are unbooked seats.

This could be ensured: if there was a bouncer that stopped the commoners coming on before VIPs,"Sorry folks, regulars only today." Or the computerised turnstiles could be programmed to prevent more casuals than there are free seats getting on the train at the beginning of its route (It could beep something rude like R2-D2 at them, Morgan Freeman could tell them,"Now just isn't your time, son/girl [please select gender]"^vii, or Kanye could interrupt their scheduled promenade to the train with,"People that book on-line are the best train users ever. You should leave.").

This reminds me that most of the stations I have gone through don't even have these turnstiles, which brings us back to the labour intensive bouncer option. For interim stations, does the train only stop for people that booked tickets? Do the bouncers travel with the train. We could have a scanner on the door and it could trigger countermeasures against the casuals that try to get on the train- that would do great for the flagging Funniest Home Movie franchise.

I smell a calculus/algebra problem brewing at this point, no longer are we interested in when Train A will meet Train B, but whether Sally can get on the train in Athlone if there is a football match in Naas that has a connection on Ballina.

Alternatively, they could just stop looking for seats and train times. Otherwise it just sounds like they want to get everyone to use automated methods and reduce the number of positions required in the running of Irish Rail Services.

End Rant.

ⁱThere were just two entries :/ "Though we try, we can never match her"

ⁱⁱSimilar to the "berry" special cake I made for some young lad's 21st a while back, but this time I got to eat it :)

ⁱⁱⁱSorry, Gleb and Julia, the truth/subjectivity can be a cruel mistress

^ivAn easy way to remember the difference between complement- to complete a pairing or group, e.g. "that tie complements that shirt" and compliment- to praise, etc.- is the first "e" in complement matches with complete [no booing!]

^vYou know who you are!¹

^viAdmittedly, I am lemon-coating the response to my request. That is right, I lack the emotional maturity to accept the consequences of actions, despite having clearly ticked the box that says I accept the T&Cs.² Do you have a problem with that?

^viiI'm sure the budget could stretch to getting him in, it would certainly take the sting out of being treated like second class citizen

¹At least I hope so, since I don't

²link