Hardcore kindness

Returned to working on my deep stance the last few weeks. Last year I built up to 7 minutes. Coming back at it again I'm between 3-4 minutes, fresh.

This evening I sat three times: 3:30, 3:00, 2:50 (probably 3-5 minutes between the sits). I'm proud of myself because each time I stayed there for a more intense sensation in the legs. The last one I got to the legs trembling and tingling phase.

In college I treated it as a flagellating thing, chastising myself for my weakness whenever I whimpered to myself about stopping and standing, and the usual perfectionism jazz.

In the last 5 years, I've become more interested in grace under fire;  Be it a  deep stance, an impending deadline, or an argument: the psyche has similar responses to stress; cultivating kindness as things get tough is meaningful because it's easy to be a grouchy fuck when your back is against the wall.

Things that are helping me the most in being kind while I feel the burn and get those gainz:
A tip from Paul Linden's (he's amazing, and hosting a bodywork and embodiment seminar around 7th July - go go go!) centring method, which is mighty powerful, is to have a "smiling heart".  Something I got from Tom Weksler (a self-described traveling teacher, he's got an astonishingly deep practice in many things; acrobatics, stillness, martial arts, dance, also go learn from him :) ) was imagine the tension flowing out to the extremities; it's like spreading lumps of butter evenly on bread.¹ And finally: even full breaths with a complete exhales, because I've noticed if my chest and stomach is tight, I don't reflexively exhale fully, and it peters out with some gas still in the tank, so to speak. So when I'm not freaking out too much, I try to gently, but clearly exhale fully. I got the mindfulness on breathing from Systema.²

Tough training, particularly approaching physical or psychological limits is a way to experience the acute stress response, and get a " taste of trauma." Using the opportunity to cultivate gentleness and compassion, instead of irritation and frustration is invaluable, because it'll become easier and more reflexive to be that way when the shit hits the fan for realz.

In summary, kindness practice offers a wonderful layer to tough training sessions.

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¹Bilbo shout out!
²yes, yes, I'm doing a lot of namedropping. Because it makes me look good. But also, it's marvelous how different and the same ideas can come from different people and influences... I'm a strong believer in redundancy hearing the same thing from different sources is a wonderful indicator of an underlying principle or a hypothesis being correct (it's never a certainty, but independent corroboration is sweeeet).

Listen to yourself

Interesting blog, one line in particular caught my attention.

"I train based on instinct. For example, no one tells me when I am hungry or thirsty. I just know. My body tells me."

This is golden advice, but practically tricky to follow: What he's suggesting is something that is a life's work; and why is it a life's work?

Because we are awfully good at deceiving ourselves; That's why we have trouble with things we feel are good for us versus seemingly attractive alternatives; e.g. ice-cream vs no ice-cream; in bed early versus looking at Facebook¹

Basically, relying on the body is potentially disastrous, particularly for someone going with no experience. And a program/method is arguably a quickstart that gives you ground to stand on.

It is a clear target,  a meter stick,² and a drill sergeant for when you want to stop, because part of you feels like you've done enough; and there will always be a part of you saying "that's enough". Sometimes it's worth listening to, other times it isn't. And knowing that difference is the hard work.

We're responsible for our own well-being and health, I don't think any method should overshadow that because eventually we outgrow them.

This stuff had been on my mind because of experiences with and reading on Systema and attending the Fighting Monkey intensive in Athens in January. Both of then eschew blindly following dogma in favour of listening and being receptive to inside and out.

Like the man said, eventually it should be like hunger or thirst. Just another instinct.

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¹Just a couple of examples I got... From a friend. Named... Ummm.. Blairtin.
²In a fit of elitist snobbishness I ended up describing a program or method as a "fitness Nuremberg defence", which absolves us of responsibility for our physical well-being and health.