De Bulge

So... What do I know about diamonds Belgium?⁰

It all started back when I took part in the Chemistry Olympiad in Groningen. In the build up to the exams we had oodles of activities and events to get to know each other. We did a relay/obstacle course and the Irish (go us!/ar aghaigh linn!) teamed up with the Belgians (insert French/Dutch equivalent phrases here).

One of the tasks was four-man ski-walking, where the step timing was important. I, ignorantly, suggested that the country teams do it together, since we'd be speaking the same language. I then learned my first fact about Belgium - they have two [technically three] official languages (French and Dutch [and German]). Furthermore, to keep things copacetic¹, the Belgian team was half Walloon, half Fleming. So there was awkward shoegazing on my part, my shoes that is.

Years on, my buddies from "Space Camp"² and I went to visit one of the gang in Leuven, in Belgium.³ I can't say that I was particularly taken with the place,⁴ but they did have delicious, cheap kebabs the size of my head.

If I say: Irish, English, Germans, French, Italian, Spanish, Swiss, Greek or Dutch, an image or an idea will pop into your head. Belgians? Waffles... that's all you got?

A country that is the seat of European parliament; the European diamond capital; and an economy with serious leverage....⁵ I could chalk it down to my obliviousness to things that don't appear on Physorg, XKCD, IMDB, TV.com, and the Daily Show [with Jon Stewart], but shouldn't I be more aware of these people?

There is something rotten in the State of... ugh... Belgium.

I have a theory...

Preamble:

To give me the smoothest emigration a man can get, I was provided with relocation assistance by Cartus, part of which included a cross-culture training program; I was given presentations by native Flemings to vet me for life on the ground.

The first speaker gave a litany of Belgians in power - the IMF, the EU, etc. The program coordinator and I marveled at this, that they seem to be holding all the cards. He dissembled, saying that it was more a case of the Belgians being a harmless, inoffensive bunch with no real power.

I put it to you that this is representative of their national policy: "Don't mind little ol' us. We're harmless. What?... sure... One of our boys can head up this, if you think it is alright."

The second presentation was about Belgian history and day-to-day living therein.⁶ Despite my bland summary, the presenter unfolded a riveting tale of maneuverings, twists and turns. In a nutshell, the area that Belgium currently occupies has been passed around like a hot potato for centuries, hence two national languages.

Proposition:
By natural selection, they have gotten demonstrably good at negotiating, at handling people. They are like... like political ninjas!

So what do I know about diamonds Belgium?

*****

⁰It occurred to me to write the piece like Statham in Snatch, but the idea struck too late and I wasn't going to rework it. 

¹That is the first time I have ever used that word - WIN
²The Fás Science Challenge in Florida in Association with NASA is where we met [Whatevs/brushes finger tips on jacket breast]
³Think holiday special, like the time the Bradys went to Hawaii.
⁴The locals were very backgroundy... kept staring at the boisterous Irish crew.
⁵A study that used computer simulations to estimate the response of the global economy to individual economies has Belgium in the company of USA and China in terms of impact; really punching above its weight. (Paper link, and what I read myself first [don't look at me!])
⁶In Belgium that is, not in Belgian history.